how i made my millionth pound
by LauranTheBiscotti
Summary: Georgia's parents find a new way to wreck her life, but remember---good things come to those who wait......or complain aLOT. i don't own nutthin'. PLEASE REVIEW! :
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 THE WORST OF ABBA

sunday, october 10th

_11am_

I can't believe I'm grounded again. Mum and Dad couldn't believe it, either. It's unbelieveable, that's why.

_11:30am_

And because Mum caught me trying to sneak in at 3am last night.

_11:35am_

And because I hadn't rolled my skirt down yet,so it was still literally only an inch long.

_11:45am_

And because I was wearing her leather skirt.

But that's not my nub and gist. My nub my nub and gist is ...er...

_12pm_

I don't know what my nub is (oooer) but my gist is that parents are unfair, crap and useless, except for giving you money and driving you places.

I'm never leaving my room again.

12:15pm

Had to leave my room--I got hungry. I had butterscotch candies but I already ate all of them.

1pm

Back in my room, stocked up with water, instant coffee, and sugar. Now I won't come out of my room ever again.

2pm

I'm bored.

230pm

Staring out my window at all the people who are allowed to have a social life. Even Mr.-Next-Door has a social life, and he's got the biggest bum in humanity.Even my dad has a bigger social life than me. And that's just sad.

Now I'm depressed.

3pm

In bed, trying to sleep.

"Ginger, milkypops."

Oh great, I'm a cat again.

I curled in a ball under the covers. "No thanks, I'm not feeling good. Maybe some other time."

"Milky pops NOW"

And she threw the cup at me.

5pm

I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

My room smells like sour milk because Mum never goes shopping anymore.

My sister thinks I am a cat.

Could life get any worse?

5:15pm

I had to ask.

Granddad is here with what he calls his "latest".She can't be much older than me.In fact, I think I reconize her from schol.

"This is Sheila. She's my accountant."

"Isn't she a bit young?"  
"She's only as young as what you feel."

At that point he squeezed her butt. I went to my room.

10pm

Grandad and whats-her-face are still here. I can hear them all dancing to "The Best of Abba."

11pm

If it's the best of Abba, why ithe record so damn long?

Monday,october 11th

_8am_

Barely made it to school. Mum, Dad and co. stayed up 'til 3am playing old records and dancing.I went downstairs to gt more water and saw Grandad doing the twist. I nearly choked to death.

_9am ASSEMBLY_

Slim is going on about respect and sports and crap stuff adults go on about.Some sadsack nurse is coming to talk to us about "healthy living" every Friday during 5th period. Thank god, no more R.E. We talk about the meaning of life in there, but I'm still trying to figure out the meaning of having that class.

The Ace Gang took one look at me and said "What's wrong?".I told them about Grandad and Sheila and Abaa. They all patted me on the back and gave me chocccies. Rosie said "If you ever need sanity, you can stay with me".

Jas snorted at her comment, and said "Yeah,yeah yeah, so on with the details."

"What details?"  
"About Saturday night...you know, Robbie, and Masimo?"

Oh my Lord, I had completely forgotten about it.

"Well.." I looked at my fingernails. "Do you think they should be painted?"

"No."

Should I dye my hair?"

Everyoine yelled "STOP STALLING."

"Stalling? Who's stalling?"

And then the bell rang. Phew, saved by the bell!

3pm, ON THE WAY HOME

I manganged to evade any more questions about THAT all day.

1 day down...4 to go.

I'm pooped.

7pm

Mum sent me to bed immediately after dinner. Well, Mum calls it dinner. Really, it was peanut butter sandwiches. Mum forgot to go shopping again. Big suprise.

7:03pm

Not.

7:30pm

In bed. I skipped my beauty regimen. All my looking my best did was get me grounded.And if I'm stuck in my room all day, how am I gonigto trap any boys, unless one suddenly gets amnesia and walks into my room.

AND the chances to that are...

8pm

Well, slim to none. I hate math. It makes me think and thinking gives me a headache.

Thursday,october 15th

_4:30pm_

I ran to school and ran to and from each class so I won't have to think about how much my life is ruined becasue of boys and how after I'm grounded I'm supposed to give an answer to Masimo AND Robbie and how my friends think I've been invaded by the pod people and I'm not me anymore.

5pm

If I'm not me, who am I?

5:30pm

I'd hate to be Dad. A dog followed me home Monday and Libby is keeping him in her room. She named him "Fluffy". He's a pit bull.She "lobes" him and he "lobes her back. And anyone that goes near Libby gets their ankles bitten off .

Mum made Dad go up there and tell Libs that she can't have a dog.

6pm

I'd love to be Posh Spice. She gets to wear nice clothes and has people who do her hair for her. and she's married to david beckham.

8pm

Had drifted off to sleep. I was dreaming about being married to David Beckham. We lived in London, and our neighbor was Winona Ryder.. She kept coming over to borrow stuff and never returned them. Winona Ryder has some sort of disease where she steals sutff. It's called necrophilia or something like that.

Anyways, I woke up because Dad was sceeaming "get it off! get it off!".

Oh gross. If their doing some weird sex thing again, I'm disowning myself. Last time, Dad had to be hospitialized for 3rd degree burns on his toes. I didn't ask.

9pm

I put my pillow over my head and was just drifting off to sleep when Mum cam barreling in. She didn't even notice that I was in bed. Asleep. She turned on the lights and pulled the covers off of me.

"Georgia, you need to get up now. That creature attacked your father and we need to take him tothe E.R. to get stitches."

I sat up. "Is Angus OK?"  
"She glared at me."How can you be so heartless? It's Fluffy that attacked. Not Angus."

"IS Flufffy ok?"  
She threw my shoes at me and stomped downstairs.

12am

After sitting in the waiting room for about a million years,Dad came out on crutches.

Mum jumped up and just about ate him alive.

The doctor came out, all smiley. Probably because he charged them per bone in body.

"There's good news, and there's bad news.The good news is, it's just a fracture. Your father will be back on his feet and his usual self in 3 weeks."

"No, that's the bad news."

He chuckled. "The bad news is, well, the type of job that Mr. Nicolson is holding is very dangerous, especially for a man in Bob's health. "

Mum asked "What do you mean ,doctor?" She batted her eyes at him .Oh, that's where my fake eyelashes went.

The doctor ignored her, though and went on. "It means that maybe Bob should consider a less dangerous career."

Mum said "oh, don't worry about that. I'm taking a job at Georgia's school.'


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 POO PARLOR POLLIWOGS

thursday,October 13th

1am

I can not believe my life

Some kids are lucky. They have cool parents. The ones that give their kids an actual allownances,not fourpence a week, and buy them cars for every "a" on their report card, and are OK with boy/girl parties.And they are never around when you don't want them to be.

But not my parents. They have to "care" and be "involved".

Mum is applying for a job at my school. And she didn't even ask me permission first.

How much more crap and usueless can parents be?

I would never do this to my own kids. I couldn't . That's cruel and unusual punishment,that is. And as far as I know, it's illegal.

Maybe I can transfer to Thistle Downs? it's an all boys school but...so what?

Friday,October 14th

8am

I didn't fall asleep untill 3am last night and still Mum made me go to school.

Met up with the Ace Gang in the hall.

"Gee, we thought you've been runover"

"Or, at least dead." Cheers, Rosie.

I told them about Dad and the E.R. and about Mum.

They got all shufly and lookedt each other. "We know"

Oh god, she's already here!

She's the sadsack nurse teaching health classes.

Now I really am going to kill myself.

11am

On the heaters. No chance to chat untill now. The Nazi Youths have been on full-on patrol this morning. I guess the frogs I let loose last semester in Blodge have had babies. One popped up out the loo as Slim was going to the poo parlor.

I didn't ask how she got it out. I don't even want to think about it.

Jas still isn't talking to me. I noticed she's wearing a skirt again, so the bruise where I kicked her must be finally faded.

The rest of the Ace Gang is talking to me, though. They told me it's not just health classes-it's sex edcation AND parenting classes, too.Excuse my English, but Fanfuckingtastic. I don't want to talk to anyone about the pants dance, let alone my MOTHER.

Rosie said "Gee, why so cross? Has a poo parlor polliwog lodged in your bumholio ?"

"No. my Mum is a teacher . You've met her. She's no way fit to be here. Especially as at paenting class. She's right crap at parenting."

The Ace Gang all nodded. Rosie said through a mouthful of cheezy whatsits "Remember when she fed Libby beans extravaganza for dinner, then made you take her to the pool, and poo exploded all over the pool?"

"Yea, and she's always snogging Dad and getting to number 5 with him in the living room in front of me and Libby. That's GOT to be bad for our health"

Jas said "Not that I care or anything, but isn't it a bit of favoritism if Georgia's mother is her teacher?"

I looked at Jas "You can talk!"

She ignored me and said "Can someone PLEASE tell Georgia that I'm still not talking to her."

"Gee, Jas says that she's not talking to you. But only in general."

"But if you're not taking to me, then why are you answering? That's acknowledging I'm talking."

"Gee says um, that if oyu're not talking--"

"Tell Georgia that just because I am acknowlding that she exists doesn't mean I care that she does."

"Jas says that just because she is letting you know that she knows that you know that you exist, she doesn't care."

"Oh yeah? Well tell Jas THIS!" and I kicked her in the shin . Again.

Jas hopped on one foot gonig "owowow".

Rosie turned to her and said "Georgia says to tell you--" and she kicked Jas in the other shin.

"Holybloody jesus christ in a bra !!! " She yelled it just as Lindsay walked by. She smirked at Jas and said "That's five points. To the office please."

Jas got up and followed Lindsay, limping on both legs. I almost cried I was laughing so hard.

11:45am

She WAS asking for it.

2pm

Managed to miss Mum up untill now.

As the tardy bell went,I snook into the last seat.

3pm

That was utterly and completely mortifying.Mum rambled on about our "changing bodies" and how "wonderful" your monthly visitor can be,spiritually AND emotionally .

Then she called me "Gee-Gee" ,as if I'm 2 and still wear nappies,in front of everyone, including Wet Lindsay.

At the last bell,I made a mad dash for freedom and sanity, and got as far as the school gates,but Mum pulled up in the clown car and yelled "do you need a ride?".EVERYONE was looking at me.

4pm

In my room.

I tried to talk to Mum,about being a good parent,and how parents should only be allowed out ANYWHERE except to dole out allowances and drive me places.But Mum was unreasonable.She got all shirty about not respecting your elders, and taking people for granted,and how money doesn't grow on trees and other useless rubbish.

Anyways,the gist and nub and gist of it is,that since Dad is on his back...again, Mum's got to support us all again.

She acts like it's some big inconvienance. But we're her children, her womb-fruit .

But Libby is more fruity than womb-fruit.

Anyways,what was I saying before I so rudely interuppted myself?

oh,yes,if we're such an inconvienance, maybe M. should of thought of that before going to #10 with D.

_4:03p_

Ewewew,I forgot how visual I am.

Now I have to go cleanse my corneas out with bleach.

5pm

Wandered downstairs to find glass cleaner, if not bleach.Mum and Dad were canoodling on the couch again. And by canoodling I mean number 5 with a hint of 6.

As I passed, I said "Other people LIVE here,you know."

They ignored me. What a suprise.

5:01pm

Not

5:03pm

Back in my room.

I was going to grab a snack, but seeing M&D going at it made me loose my appetite.

God, why have you made my life so crap? Is it because I date one guy, but snog two others? It's not my fault I have a big, red bottom and run-away lips. My lips say to my bottom "Fancy leaving Georgia for a while and going out for a snog with strange men (ooer)?" and my bottom says "Sure!" and I am always the last to know.

How am I to fix my life if I can't even control my own bits and bobs?

5:30pm

Still thinking.

I'd call Jas but she's still mad at me. And Ellen would just take 5 hours to say "I Don't Know". And Rosie...well, no.

So it's just up to me.

Poo.

I'm going to bed.

5:35pm

The phone is ringing.

Too depressed to move.

5:39pm

The phone is still ringing.

Mum yelled up "Gee, get that bloody phone, will you?"

5:40pm

Dragged myself out of bed and down the hall.

"Hello?  
"Howdy, is your dad there?" some Ameircan bloke asked.

I put down the phone. "Dad, it's some strange American guy, who tihnks I have a proper father!"

Went back to bed.

I hope it's not the people we met at the clown car convention, inviting us back to New York,New York.

8:13pm

I fell asleep and I had a whatsit--a revolution!

I was dreaming I was in court, being tried for my run-away-bottom sitting on people and crushing them to death.

And instead of determining my fate, they turned on the radio--and the first song they heard was how I was going to be punished.

I can do that! And that's not really tempting fate by alot...just by a little!

8:15pm

Okay,here we go...and the first song is...

8:16pm

Some whiny country song about standing by your man even if he is a cheating liar.

So that means I should stay with Robbie, even if he is off in Kiwi-a-go-go Land snogging marsupials.

Fine.Ok.I can do that.

9pm

Just remembered,I'm meeting Dave tomorrow to discuss winning Jassy-Knickers back.

So that was just a practice song.

Here's the real song...

9:02pm

The theme song to the Sound Of Music?

That doesn't help much.

Try again...

9:04pm

Hmmmmm...My Way...

The guy singing it says "Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew  
When I bit off more than I could chew  
But through it all, when there was doubt  
I ate it up and spit it out  
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way.

Ive loved, I've laughed and cried  
I've had my fill, my share of losing  
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing  
To think I did all that  
And may I say, not in a shy way,  
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way

So I need to just do it my way.

9:35pm

What IS my way?

9:59pm

Contemplating what "my way" is when I heard footsteps on the stairs. I turned off my light and ducked into bed but they came in anyways. "Georgia,we have wonderful news."

I sat up. "You're not pregnant are you?"

They looked at each other."NO!"

I laid backdown. "Thank God.The way you go at it, you should be breeding like rabbits.

They looked at each other. Dad said "Just get on with it. It's better just to get on and not ask questions."

Mum said "We've been invited to your Uncle Hank's house for Thanksgiving!"


	3. DaveJaVu

I don't own anything.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

**dave-ja-vu**

Friday,October 14th (still)

**12am**

In my room, under my bed, never to come out again. And this time it's for reals.

**12:45am**

Why? Why? and thriceWhy?

Why do I have to spend Thanksgiving in America with my eccentric AMERICAN uncle?

What the hell is thanksgiving anyway??

It's not bad enough that I'll be with my mates, but I'll be on the other side of the world, away from Masimo...and Robbie...AND Dave the Laugh.

**1:59am**

Oh mygoodgraciousBuddha----I'll be away from Masimo, and Robbie and Dave the Laugh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I won't have to go crazy being depressed in my house hiding from everyone.

And I won't have to become a lesbian !!!!!!

**2::25am**

Did some mad celebratory dancing, untill Dad yelled at me to go to bed. I was so happy I did.

I don't think I will ever be able to fall asleep again,thoughzzzzzzzzz.

Saturday,October 15th

**5am**

Libby crawled into my bed and peed in it again. See,this is why normal people have locks on their door.Especailly why Mum and Dad do. They say they want thier privacy,but there's nothing they've done on the couch in the livingroom that everybody hasn't seen that they can't--and WON'T--do behind closed,locked doors.

But I don't get a locked door. Anytime I ask for one they get all shirty and uptight saying that teenagers shouldn't have any reason to have to have a lock on their door unless they were up to something.Like boys.

But I don't want a thing to do with boys ever again. I quit. And give up.

**7am**

Can't sleep--to excited about the trip.

**7:02am**

Okay, and the chance to leave the country so I don't have to purposely avoid everyone and be able to see the gray,porridge-y (at least it is here in England) sky again. It's been weeks.

Well, fine, a few hours, but still.

Free! Free! In only a matter of Dave!

**7:05am**

Oops--i mean DAYS.

**7:15am**

Snook into the hallway and rang Jas.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, good morning!To you, and you, and--"

"Oh god, not you again."

"Jas, I am prepared to forgive you for what you just said and everything else you've ever opened your fat mouth and said."

"I don't have a fat mouth."

"Well you do have a big one. Remember when I told you about my sticky-uppy nipples and you ran and toldTom?"

She started to do a sort of snorty laugh. She sounded like a pig.

"Jas, you sound like a pig."

That shut her up,

"Gee, what do you want?"

"I'm going to America on holiday next week"

"I'll ring the rest of the Ace Gang"

**8:30am**

They're all coming round at noon, as I can't go out still. Jas says that Tom says that Dave has been looking for me. She says that Tom said that Dave has looked v. grim round the mouth lately.

She also said that if I kill Dave the Laugh's laughnesstosity, he and half of England shall come to dire measures.

So I'm def. stuck in this toad hole untill America.

**10am  
**Tidying my room.

Dad knocked on my door. "Georgia, are you decent?"

"Yes, but you aren't"

He ignored that and came in.

"Georgia, I know what your mother and I popped on you last night was short noticed,and I've been thinking --you're a big girl now (yes, I've been out of nappies for year,where have you been, you Loon?) and already 15 years old.Which means that you're big enough to make decisions on your own.I remember when I was 15 I used to--"

I looked at him. "Used to what?"

He cleared his throat "Uh,nothing.But, so, if you don't want to go, you can make arrangements."

What? Am I going mad or is Dad actually treating me like a person and not a squatter ?

"No, Dad I would really love to go with you."

He looked at me.

"Really?"

"Really!"

He peered at me lose up. His breath smelled like cheese. Mum probably forgot to go shopping again,and we're going to have to live on mouldy cheese for the next fornight.

"Are you feeling ok?"  
"Yes,cheesmesiter o' mine!"

He looked at me queerly.

"Really!?"

"Really!"

"Right, um,ok."

**10:15am**

My god, this heart breaknesstosity must be affecting my brain---I told my parents i would 'love to" go with them.

**10:35am**

Or, hopefully,I'm notgoing mad but just getting a touch of flu.

**11am**

Tidying my room (reading Mum's "Cosmo" )when Mum called "Georgia, there's some really fit boy at thedoor for you!"

oh god oh god.

"Tell him I'm dead"

There was a pause, then Mum yelled back "I don't think that's going to work dear."

ohgod ohgod. What if it's Masimo?

I don't even have any foundation on. I look like a spotty norman in a skirt!

**11:10am**

Rush rush,pant pant.

Okay, got my makeup on. Going for the au natural look --foundation,base, hint of blush, nude (ooer!) lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner. Italian models always have that just-out-of-the-bath-look.Ithink it's because they were up all night snogging Italian Dreamboatsand eatingpasta, and they oversleptand didn't have time to get ready properly.

I hope Masimo doesn't expect that of me.Cause I lookall red and squinty, like a lobster, after I get out.

Right. I'm ready. Deep breath. Sucky-in nose...

**11:12am**

Bugger--half way out the door when I remembered I forgot to check my hair.

**11:12 1/2 am**

Ran to my mirror.

Hair? Number 5 on the bounceablility front. And--fanbloodytastic... Libby's hid my brush again.

I'm going to have to make do.

**11:14am**

Wet my hair and wrapped it in a towel, so it looks like I've just...wet my hair and put it up.

**11:16am**

Oh god it's quiet. Thyey aren't talking to HIM are they?Orworse--kicked him out?

snuck to the top of the stairs.

I heard Dad say "So what are your plans with Georgia exactly?"  
"Well, I'm just a mate"

Oh, It's just Dave. I almost fainted, and had to grab the banister to not fall down the stairs.Again.

All that makeup for nothing!

**11:17am**

He sounds serious and adulty. What if he's an un-laugh? Or he came to tell me hewants to be official snogging partners? He's a fab snog. And he does this excellent nip libbling thing...ooer, my kneesare going all jelloid just thinking about it ...

**11:19am**

Standing halfway up the stairs day dreaming aboutnip libbling Masimo--I mean DAVE-- I didn't notice Libby sneak up behind me.

"Ginger, need go "

And she pushed me down the stairs.

I think I'm having Dave-ja-vu.


	4. kincker nickers

**disclaimer--I disclaim.**

**a/n--PLEASE review!! I'm the only one here who's got no reviews (well,3 but one was me commenting back so that one doesn't count).**

**Also, sorry this is sooo long. I have an idea for a book in mind, and if I do alot of short chapters, it'll end up being,like, 100 chapters long instead of 15 (or so).**

**Please let me know if you'd prefer it the other way around! **

**Also Also,Viking Day is October 9th**

**Also Also P.S. I once made a pizza in the oven, the kind you just take out of the box and put in the oven, but forgot to take the cardboard off the bottom. You'll see why I mention this in this chapter...**

**Also Also P.P.S. I'm in college right now so it may be a while between chapters . I'm not ignoring you--I'm busy!**

**PLEASE PLEASE review!!!!**

** Knickers Nickers **

_Saturday,October 16th (still)_

**3pm**

Ow Ow Ow.

And bloodyhell.

**3:30pm**

Doctor Gorgey says I've only sprained my ankle, but he wants me to stay at the hospital overnight because my blood pressure is really high.

It's probably because I'm freaking out because I fell down my stairs head-over-arse, and Dave got a good look up my skirt. Hell, everyone did,including the Ace Gang (who had ran over to warnme Dave was on his merry way.But they aren't exactly in tip-top shape any of them), and I wasn't wearing any knickers.

**3:45pm**

It isn't my fault my 4-year-old sister likes to use my knickers as hammocks for her toys.

**4pm**

Is it?

**5pm**

I know Jas is going to be Radio Jas and tell everyone what happened, so Masimo and Robbie are going to know where I am and hunt me down like dogs and make me choose between them.

I better call Jas and threaten her with pain if she tells anyone about today.

**5:03pm**

Better yet,I'll call Tom and tell himto distract her with moss or badger poo or whatever to get her mind off what's happened today.

**5:05pm**

Bugger,I can't reach the phone.Damned arm rail is in the way.

Maybe f I sit on a pillow...

**5:09pm**

Hmmm...a little bit higher...

**5:20pm**

I fell out of the bed! Alarms and bells went off and 4 butch nuses came in and literally threw me back in the bed.

The nurse with a buzzcut threatened tobreak my legs AND take away my jell-o I Itried any more "antics".

I think they thought that I was trying to escape.

**6pm**

I am sooo bored.

**7pm**

Dozed off. I dreamt I was in a giant gold palacae and Masimo was feeding me grapes, and Dave was my fool, and juggling nunga-nungas. But there were a great pair of eyes hanging over watching me and everytime i tried to snog Dave the eyes swooped down over my ead, knocking my lips off .

**7:02pm**

I woke up with a start---Nurse Butcher (not even kidding) was only milimeters from my conk...which is to say he was about a foot (or ginormous nose) off.

It gave me a bit of a F.T.

"Ibrought you pills..Take these pills."

And he shoved a nasty big purpley pill at me.It looked like one that you shove down a cat's throat if your cat has worms. But if your cat was the size of a small horse.

**7:05pm**

Took me 5 minutes just to get one pill down. I think he purposely gave me a horse-sized one. Or it was a suppository .

**7:06pm**

Ewewewewewewewew

**7:08pm**

Hid the rest of thehorse pills under the mattress.

**7:15pm**

I don't thnk these pills are working. They're supposed to make me sleep but all I can do is think about Dave...and Robbie...and Masimo.

If they cared about me so much why haven't they come see me yet?

They're probably off snogging other girls. Girls with regular-size conks and whose brains don' fall out.

Like Lindsay. She's literally just legs and a forhead. Jas said that she tried to curl her fringe and it's all sticky-uppy.I saw her at the corner shop the other day and she looked like one of those show dogs who gets their hair curled.

**7:30pm**

Why hasn't the Ace Gang dropped by? Or my "loving" (hahahaha) family?

They're probably throwing a part now that I'm not there.

And they've invited all the cat-haters (i.e. everyone on our street) over to plan how to bump off Angus.Like a Anti-Cat Mafia, wearing blue suits and hiding machine guns up their sleeves. And talking abouthow they're going to give Angus a "cat nap" in the dirt...6 feet under.

Shut UP brain.

Why is my life so crap?

I'll make a list--

10 WAYS MY LIFE IS UTTER AND COMPLETE CRAP

1)I'm only 15 years old so I have to hve my Rents around to give me money and tell me what to do (but not necasarily do)

2)I have a conk the size of France

3) My mate chose fruits and a veggie (hahah,tom, get it? beause he's a vegetable) over me. And because I kickedher in the shin twice, and then tricked Rosie into doing it.

But that's not my fault. She was asking for it.Jas was, not Rosie.

Anyways

4) I have 3 lurverly sex gods vieing for ,my attencion and NOT ONE OF THEM HAS VISITED ME OR EVEN CALLED TO SEE IF I WAS, YOU KNOW, ALIVE !!!!

5) Ditto my (supposedly) best mates

6) Ditto Ditto my family

7) And oh eah,I'm going on holiday with my parents. And I want to.

8) i was forced to swallow a pill that's supposed to go...somewhere else.

_Sunday,October 17th_

**10am**

I must have nodded off. The last thingI remember was wondering why no one visited me.

This is the first time in...ever (well, 4 years, since Libby was born) that I've gotten a full nights sleep.

And I feel..Bloody marvelous, if I may say so.

**10:15am**

The nurse brought me my breakfast. It was an actual breakfast--eggs, soldiers, toast, orange jucie, and a choccie biccie.

I asked "Was Nurse Butcher fired?"

She looked at me a bit strangely. "Mum? No.It's a shift change"

Bloody hell,he's a she?

The nurse put a straw in my drink, and as she was leaving, she said "Oh, you have a couple of visitors. But visiting times don't start for another 15 minutes."

Ohgodohgod, i only have 15 minutes to get ready. What if it's Robbie? Or Dave Or worse--Masimo!!!

And I only have 15 mminutes to get ready !!

**10:16am**  
Where's my purse?

**10:18am**

Where's my skirt?

**10:20**

Where's my KNICKERS?

Someone has nicked my knickers!!!!!

**10:21am**

There are NO nurses in staff. Where have they all gone? Probably off nicking peoples' pants, and laughing at how big they are.

Thank goodness I'mnot Jas. I'd be worried if anyone saw my knickers. Hers are big enough to to parachuting with.

But then again, if I was Jas I wouldn't wear hugemungo knickers. Nor would I be dating a vegatable and have a crap fringe.

**10:24am**

Ah-ha! There's a red button on the side of the bed that's labeled "Ring for Nurse"

**10:24 1/2 am**

Hm, I don;t think it's working. Press it again.

**10:25am**

Ring-ring, ring-ring...

**10:26am**

Aboot bloody time.

She ran to my bed. "What ? What's wrong?"

Boy, she must be agood mother.

"Someone nicked my knickers!"

She stared at me."What?"

"My knickers--they're gone!"

She pointed to a chair by the bed. Where my clothes were piled. "You mean those?"

Oops.

"Yeah,thanks.Cheers."

"You mean I ran in here, spilling HOT coffee over my suit for THAT?"

"Well.."

She grumbled something about "infnatile teenagers" and stomped off.

I wanted to yell after her "At least my Dad doesn't look like Michael Parkinson". But she had (half) a cup of hot coffee in her hand.

**10:30am**

Ok. Makeup? Au natural with a hint of base,mascara, eyeliner, lippy, lip gloss, eye shadow, and glitter.

Hair? -3 on the bouncibility scale. But that's hospital beds for you. I'll just have to putit up in an attractive (NOT) bun.

Bring on the boys!!!!

**10:30 1/2am**

As the Nurse opened the doors, I heard a voice yell "Freedom to Horn!"

and another reply "Ja, lets get horny!!"

And Rosie and Sven burst in in matching rainbow bellbottoms and tie-dye tops.

Maybe Masimo was embarrassed and didn't want to beseen with Sven. I wouldn't.

"Hey Gee, how'r'a diddling?"

"Good. Where's Masimo?"

"What.? Oh, he's at practice.And Jas and Tom are studying for their A-levels.And Masimo is out with Lindsay."

"WHAT? How can she choose that slimy stick insect over moi?"

"I know. I think she must have poisoned his drink."

"Where's Dave?"  
"He's got flu."

"But he looked fine last night."

"Well...After you left, we watched Libby for your Mum and Dad and Libby sneezed into his mouth while we were eating."

Oh my god, Dave's gotten to number 6 on the snogging scale with my little sister?

Before I could say anything, Sven picked Rosie up,andswung her over his shoulder.

"Less talk, snog now."

"We got to go. We just came to tell you that Our wedding date is set for Viking Day in exactly 5 years! HORNNNNNNNNNNNNNN !!!!"

Viking Day. But of course.

**11am**

Free!

I am finally allowed to put my real clothes on and go home.

**11:45am**

And of course everyone forgot about me.

**4pm**

Finally home. Note on the fridge,welcoming me home.

Not.

"Gee--Frozen dinners in the freezer.

Love, Mum."

Great I get to have meat popsicles for my dinner.

**5pm**

Popped a frozen entree in the oven and taking a long,hot bath while it heats.

My feet are KILLING me. I don't know why I was wearing heels.

But I had to walk all the way home in them ,And they're about 2 sizes to small. I almsot had to get them surgically removed like the last pair I'd bought.

And what's worse, I tried to get picked up !

At least someone in this town thinks I'm attractive. I've been home an hour and still no phone calls, or even messages on the machine.

Hasn't anyone been wondering where I've been ?

If Masimo cared so much for me, why is he out with Lindsay?

Bugger Bugger Bugger

**5:15pm**

Why should i shave my legs? Obviously no one wants me.

And besides, winter is coming up,and they'll keep me warm.

**5:30pm**

Considering shaving my armpits (they'll be a warm place to stick my hands in (ooer) in Winter) when I smelt smoke.

Mum's probably cooking.

**5:45pm**

Funny,I didn't hear them come in.

Especially Libby.

I would have definetly heard hercome in.

But the house is strangely quiet.I've not even seen Angus or Gordy.

**6pm**

OH GOD MY DINNER!!!!!

**6:15**

By the time I got my pyjamas on, brushed my hair, and ran downstairs it was all ashes.

**6;17pm**

Maybe I should have taken it out of the box.

**6:18pm**

And read the directions.

**6:20pm**

Now what?

**6:27pm**

Looking for anything edible when the phone rang. I bally near tore it off the wall.

"HELLO?"

"Is this the owner of That Cat?"

Oh great, it was Mr-Next-Door/Cat Hater

"Now what has he done? I'm sure Muitti or Vati can pay for it."

"What do you mean? I thought your parents took him to Bill?" He sounded nervous.

Oh, so that's why Grandad's teeth are on the counter.

"Oh, yeah,right. So what did you want?"

"Your ...beast has left his lead over get it as soon as possible.Preferably before that Thing gets back."

And he hung up on me.

What's the point of living?

I'm going to bed.

**9pm**

Peacefully off in Bo-Bo Land when Libby came creeping in .

AWW.At least someone missed me.

Maybe if I lie quietly she'll go away.

**9:02pm**

Libby crept to the side of my bed and laid her head on mine.

And yelled "Ginger, wakey wakey!"

I shot up. Bloody hell, that kid has lungs.

I can literally hear the bells ringing. It sounds like I have Notre Dame bells ringing in my ears. Though to really have that happen I'd need to have ears like an elephant. But that would take away attention from my nose, wouldn't it?

Shut up,brain.

I yelled to Libby "Go away!"

Just as Mum came bursting in.

"Don't yell at your sister!"

"But--"

"And don't use dirty words or I'll wash your mouth out."

I shut my mouth.

"I was just making sure you were in bed on time. Sorry we didn't make it back in time to pick you up. Your Granddad insisted on us all going out to eat and on the way we saw a cuckoo!"

"Mum?"

"yes dear?"

"I don't care.Goodnight."

I laid back down. After a moment I heard the bed creak as she got up and left.

Jas chose vegetables over me, and my mother and father has chose nature and a cuckoo (the bird,too) over me.

I feel like crying.

_Monday,October 18th_

**8:15am**

Got up and ready for school and was halfway out the door when I remembered I was leaving for the USA tomorrow.

I went back to my room but Mum saw me.

"Just because you're leaving tomorrow doesn't mean you get to skip school day."

SHe literally pushed me out the door. As I was going through the gate, she yelled "And the plane doesn't leave untill 9pm so you're going to school tomorrow too."

Hell.

**9am. School.**

More Hell.

**10am. Break.**

The Ace Gang were suprised to see me. They all figured I'd get to skip too.

I told them that I have to go to school tomorrow too and they all said "Non!".

Except Jas. She wasn't there. Mabs said she and Lindsay are off swotting in the library together.

I said "Well,they make a nice couple. Once a swot, always a swot." And everyone nodded wisely.

We all sat there nodding untill Mabs said "Why are we nodding?"

Rosie said "I thought it as a new dance ."

She's bonkers.

**10:16am**

The bell went and as we all filed back to Hell ,Rosie said "So?Are we going to do it?"

We all looked at her like she was mad. She is."Do what?"

"Bunk off school tomorrow and throw Gee a going-away Horn party?"

Stark raving, she is.

**3pm**

Somehow I've agreed to bunk off school to go to a Viking "Bon Journey!" party.It's going to be at Rosie's house.

She said "Dress is optional" and we all went "Ooer."

_Tuesday,October 19th_

**8:30am**

Here's the plan..we show up at assembly as usual,to make an appearance so Slim sees su and doesn't count us as tardy.

We do our hair, mkeup,etc. during first classes .It's German,so that should be easy.

Breaktime, we'll go about as usual. Then next is Sports. We'll go to the locker roomto pretend to change, slip our party clothes out our rucksacks, change, sneak out the window, go down an alley, up two streets, over a garden wall, then presto! We're free!

**9:15am**

Doing my makeup. My hand is all shaky. I don't know why. it'll only be us Ace Gang and their various snogging partners and a few mates of theirs from Foxwood.

I'm hoping a bit (OK,aLOT)that Robbie and Masimo wlll be there too.

I decided to make a deal with our Lord Sandra. If Robbie or Masimo isn't there,I should choose Dave. But if Masimo is there, but not Robbie I choose Masimo.And if Robbie is there and not Masimo, I choose Robbie not Masimo.And if Dave is there and not Masimo orRobbie,I choose Dave.

**10am.Break.**

Rosie's brought viking horns for all of us to wear as we sneak past the First Level leveland by Slim's window.She thinks it will be a laugh.

Dave would think it's a laugh too.

**10:03am**

Why am I thinking about Dave again?

**10:45am**

Everyone's changed into party gear and has their horns on (ooer).

Ellen is taking forever,though. "What if, you know,he's there,he's...and...he...and I.."

I heard Lindsay,Jas' lesbian swotting partner,coming and shoved Ellen through the window and shut it just as Swot and Swottier came in.

I hid behind a coat rack. "Do you really think I'll be prefect?"

"Oh yes, me and Elizabeth have been talking about you"

She's on first-names with Miss Heaton? How wet can you be?

"Yes, well I think I am up for it. "  
"Def. Especially since you've stopped hanging around with those childish girls."

"I know.You know Georgia thinks lockjaw is funny?" Jas rolled her eyes. I wanted to jump out and strangle her but then Jas said something that caught my attention. "So what are you going to do about Masimo?"

"i've applied to three universitys all around Rome where Masimo is going to be living. We'll be going to different schools but at least I'll still get t see him."

Masimo is moving to Italy ? How? When? Why? What?

That's when P. Green came in. "Have you seen Georgia?"

They looked at each other and walked out.

I couldn't move though.

Masimo is moving. Why?When? And why didn't he tell me?

Maybe this is a sign from God or Budha or Shiva or whoever is working today.

Maybe it's a sign that Masimo is moving away. But what does it mean?

**11am**

I would have stood there confabbing with my self longer had Jools not grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out the window. Just in time, too as Mrs. Heaton and Slim stocked into the changing room.

No time to put our viking horns on now.

**11:15am**

Ran all the way to the top of Rosie's street.

"You don't think she saw us do you?

"If she did Slim would slow her down.Miss Heaton'll never find us."

The Bummer Twins came up and smirked at us.

"The little lesbians skipping out on kindergarten?"

"No.Bugger off."

Alison threw down her cigarette, "What did you say to me?"

I stepped close to her. I was so close i could smell her breath.And it was not pleasant. It was Ou de Poo and Cigarette.

I looked her square in the eye and said "Bugger Off, you slag." and ran screaming all the way to Rosie's.

We collapsed all over the garden, laughing and out of breath. Which,if you've ever done it, is very hard to do.

Finally Jools looked at me. "What gave you mind to do that?"

I told them what Lindsay had said about moving to Rome and being with Masimo.

Rosie stood up. "Right,let's kill the bastard." and made to leave. We had to literally hold her down.

**11:20am**

Finally convinced Rosie to not kill Masimo but go make us cheesy snacks instead.

**11:22am**

Rosie came back down the path looking all o-faced.

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot my key."

**11:25am**

Laying on the lawn thinking of ways to break in without actually breaking anything.

Rosie said "How about a window?"

**11:30am**

Rosie was crawling in through the kitchen window when Sven popped up out of nowhere and dragged her in. They snogged the whole time.

**11:45am**

Waiting on the front step for Rosie to unlock the front door.

Where is she?

Probably snogging her boyfriend, The one that doesn't go out and snog other girls and is trueto her. Even if he is from Reindeer-a-Go-Go Land.

**12am**

Sven finally let us in. He had lipstick all over his face.I didn't ask.

i don't want to know.

**1:15pm**

After a mad rush to the loos, we're all settled down with hot chocolate and biscuits in Rosie's room.

Jools said "So? What's the story?"

I told them everything, about Masimo and Rome and Jas joinng the Nazi Recruitment aka becoming a prefect next term.

They're all quite literally gobsmacked.

**1:30pm**

Still gobsmacked and as agog as a bunch of gooseberries.

Ellen said "but, he,you know, like, you snogged him, but he..." she trailed off.

**1:45pm**

Jools and everybody thinks it's a sign to move on.

Ok.

But to what?

**1:47pm**

I said "To what exactly?"

And they all did the shrugging thing.

**3pm**

We agreed it was a sign to move on, to bigger and better things (looer) but we didn't get time to decide what those things were. We had to change and go back to school to make it seem we were there all day and quite keen to be there (hahaha).

**4pm**

Well, that was bloody useless.

And what was the gods telling me by none of the Sex Gods extroidannaires showingup? That I must have them all? 3 snogging partners?Is that possible? Or legal?

Oooooh, I'm so confused!!!!

**4:15pm**

Mum saw me not packed and yelled at me.

I only have 15 minutes left to pack.

What do they wear in Hamburger-a-go-go-Land?

**4:25pm**

Asked Dad. He said "Clothes."

That doesn't help. I told him that and said "You have 5 minutes left to pack, or you go as you are."

6pm. On the Way to the Airport.

I managed to get all my clothes into 5 suitcases. Dad didn't have time to refuse but he was all grumbly about having to make extra room in the boot.

Maybe I'll find a new Dad in the USA.


	5. Chapter 5

**This isn't a chapter but more of a notice:: YES I do relaize Thanksgiving is in November.**

**I didn't realise my mistake untill last night.**

**Everyone in my hjouse is sick among other thingson my mind, so I've been a "little" bit preoccupied.**

**The next chapter will Start in November, but don't be confuesd---it starts off where the lasst chapter ended.**

**I just fixed the months.**

**Don't lynch me!**

Laura Blunk


	6. Castle Mad

**HI HI HI**

**I'm really really busy in schooling, dealing with my toddler son, etc. so I've been not able to write much...as you can see. **

**If I had my druthers I'd post a chapter every day. **

**But I don't..have my druthers OR post a chapter every day.**

**I'm taking classes for prep for a hospital transcriptionist, which is typing up doctors' and nurses' ,psychologists', etc. notes in plain english--which means I have to learn LATIN (kill me please!) on top of anatomy, medicenes, the bones, the muscles, major nerves, ...and etc etc.**

**I'm also taking basic classes (reading, writng, 'rithmatic too much home work makes me sick...and gives me migraines) .**

**PLUS I'm seperately-but-at-the-same-time (ish) working on basic medical assistant courses which is a tuffy. Especially mentally (In one of my English courses we're talking about "analogs". I have GOT to stop giggling every time I hear th word "analog").**

**After this mess is over (4 months! Woot!) I'l l be starting fitness/physical therapy training...I'm working from the bottom up, the shorter (well, it takes 4 years but the classes I'm taking an how I'm taking them will shorten it down to 2 ) way**

**(AND cheaper ) way to be a proper nurse, BSN , to work at nursing homes, doing physical therapy and etc. **

**Sorry for the delay !!!!!!!**

**Love you lots !!!!**

"CASTLE MAD"

_Wednesday,November 20th_

**10am**

Well, my life has certainly took a funny turn. Or ,rather, it's had a F.T. and in all the confusion, I ended up here..in America.

Dad and Mum got invited by some distant uncle or something to America for Thanksgiving Dinner.

**11am**

Mum has forced me to go with them to the store for food. Also, they forgot to bring Libby's training knickers.

Mum remembered she had forgotten to pack them when we were halfway to America ,and after she peed on MY lap.

1**1:01am**

Libby did, not Mum.

**11:15am**

Dad can't find the grocery store.

He stopped at a gas station to ask, but he just told them about a place that sells walls.

**11:30am**

Still driving around. We just passed a sign that said "Welcome to Oklahoma".

Now we are most defiently lost.

Mum said "Bob, maybe we should try WallMart."

Dad said "I am not lost and I am not going to made an arse of again .Real men don't need to ask diretions."

**11:45am**

**Oklahoma Tourist Center**

Turns out, Wall Mart doesn't sell just walls. It has EVERYTHING.

I turned to Dad "Don't worry, you may not be a man, but you're still my dad."

Mum laughed.

**12:30pm**

**Walmart (in Missouri again)**

Wandering around.Mum and Dad let me go around alone , as long as I meet them by the front doors at 1pm.

I'm tempted not to.Dad's wearing black trousers and a "clown car convention 2004" t-shirt and Mum is wearing a red,leather skirt that's literally only two inches long (I measured it when she was asleep on the plane, her legs in the air so EVERYONE could see what she had for dinner'as Grandad says) and a LOW low cut black sequiny top. They look rediculous. I told them that and they said " We happen to look very fashionable for our age."

Good Lord.

**12:40pm**

Wall Mart really does have everything. I just saw knickers that say "Hot Stuff" cross the front, and a dog pager, that beeps when the dog is trying to escape from his leash.

Maybe I should get that for Angus. Ever since we've got here Angus has been trying to eat the fish in the aquarium up in the front of the hotel.

The snobby girl at the front desk told me the fish are worth $2,000 each. To, me that's an exspensive bill. To Angus, it's a gourmet dinner. And he's not ate since before the airplane .

**1pm**

I can't find Mum and Dad. all I see is a bunch of old-age pensioners wearing the american flag for shirts. I'd kill myself if that was MY mother or father.

**1:01pm**

Wait a tick...

**1:02pm**

Oh god, it is.

**1:10pm**

I tried to duck behind a cart of singing drunk santa claus toys (don't ask...I was afraid to) but they saw me.

Libby,I noticed, was wearing American flag knickers and little else.

"Oh, Gee, isn't it fantastic? We've been invited to a dinner tomorrow evening!"

"No way am I going to watch Libby by myself. I'd have to get paid to even consider it.And I really doubt that the hotel has a good enough insurance plan to cover the damage that she can, and probably will, do.

'The whole family's invited, including you."

"And Angus?"

Mum and Dad said together "NO"

"I promise he won't bite anyone."

One of the OAPs that Dad and Mum and Dad were talking to came over ."Who's Angus?"

"A bloody menace."

I gave my dad a Look. "My cat." I said .

"OOOh--what kind?"

"A Scottish short-haired cat, I think."

At the word cat about a hundred more old people appeared out of nowhere "I have a cat!" "I love cats!" "I have ten ,myself."

"--yes,two blue ribbons" "---four cans of tuna a day"

The first old lady said "You HAVE to bring your cat. He sounds beautiful."

I said "yeah, Mum, we've Just gotta!" In my best Americanese accent.

Dad drove 80 all the way back to the hotel.

**7pm**

Dad has grounded me to the hotel room while they go to an Elvis concert.

I said as they were leaving "Elvis is dead,you know!" and Mum slammed the door shut.

It's not like I wanted to go anyways.

Unlike Mum, I don't fancy fat guys with sideburns in leather jumpsuits.

The first and last one I saw was when we had gone to New York,New York.Dad had been invited to a clown car coverntion. That should tell you how crap that trip was.

Anyways, the New York,New York Elvis had uneven sideburns and weighed about 500 pounds...And his pants had disco lights on them.

That reminds me, I wonder if Rosie and Sven had set the date yet.

**7:10pm**

That's strange. The phone must have rung about a hundred times, but no one picked up.

**7:12pm**

Jas' phone,too.

Hm...maybe I dialed it wrong.

**7:15pm**

It rang five times before I heard someone pick up the reciever.

"WHAT?"

"Jas ? You don't sound too good."

"It's 2 o'clock in the bloody morning."

"Really?

"Yes."

"Then why are you awake? Don't you have school tomorrow?"

She slammed down the phone on me.

Geez, she needs to start going to bed aLOT earlier.

**7:45pm**

That means, if it's 7pm here and 2am there, that they are 7 hours ahead.

So I have to add 7 to whatever time it is here.

**7:50pm**

Does that mean on New Year's Eve, if I'm here that it's next year there already ?

**8pm**

Hey,I can have two birthdays!

**8:05pm**

And two Christmases.

**8:15pm**

Well, as long as I can catch the fastest airplane there is.

Or leave at 3am to make it back home before all the clubs and such close.

Either way, I have no one to talk to.

**8:30pm**

Called room service and ordered a bowl of icecream and some chips. And some bubblebath.

Maybe it'll be a cute boy to entice.

Ever since this whole Masimo and Robbie and Dave fandango I've made up my mind--boys are only good for snogging and going to clubs with, so that's what I'm only going to use them for. Everything will only be platonic, which Madonna does, and look hopw happy she is, always surround younger guys...and very fit ones, at that.

**8:35pm**

That means for now on, to be like Madonna I have to be like Madonna. I always have to look my best and eat healthyly (I think she's a vegetablearian) and always have plenty of lipstick on hand, for all the extra snogging I'll be doing.

I am NOT going to be wearing cone bras though. I don't like the viking look.

**8:37pm**

And putting plastic icecream cones in your bra hurts.

**8:40pm**

Trying to pull on my tights when someone knocked on the door. I fell over the couch trying to get to it.

I readjusted my bra like Mum does (mainly because there's no bra in the world that could hold one, let alone both, of her ginormous basoomers), re-applied lippy and checked my hair before opening the door.

But it was just some old lady.

What a waste of black fishnets.

**8:42pm**

Uhm, I was wearing the fishnets...not her...she looked like she could have used a pair of them though.Her feet over flowed down her legs and over her shoes just like Slim's does back home...

Home...I miss home.

**8:45pm**

I do NOT miss Slim.

Nor Dave the Un-Laugh.He's been acting strange around me ever since the "the bigger the pants, the harder they fall" incident.

Boys are sooooooooooooo useless.

**9:15pm**

In the bath. I had to eventually cut the tights off.They were cutting into my skin, so the hot water feels good on my legs.

I think I grabbed Liubby's tights by mistake.Mum bought her some at the Wall Store so we'll look like "twinsies".I wanted to strangle Mum with my tights but it would have been a waste of nylon.

I'm tired. Being Madoona is exhasuting.

_Thursday,November 21st,"Thanksgiving"._

**6am**

Why? Why do I hzve to get up at 6am when I'm on holiday?

I bet Madonna doesn't have to get up at 6am.

**6:05am**

I pointed this out to Mum (she was trying to put regualr kinkcers on Libby but she didn't want to)and she said "Yes,well, you're not Madonna."

Over the screaming she also said "We have a long drive ahead so bring a lunch."

Whatever happened to Mums staying at home,cooking and loving and caring for their family ?

**11:20 am**

Only just on our way. Angus hd one of his "Call of the Wild" momnts and attacked Dad's beard.

**3pm**

Still driving. Iasked Mum "Where is this place,France?"

She replied "He likes to be secluded."

Oh great--he sounds just as mad as Grandad.

**5pm**

After about a hundred years in the back of the clown car, we've funally arrived.

About bloody tme too---my head is aching like mad.Libby wanted to play "I spy" and everytime I got it wrong, or she got one wrong, se biffed me on the head with her shoe.

**5:05pm**

Jumped out of the car for a stretch and nearly fell over. My legs are locked up!

I had tograb the side of the car as to stay stable.

"Mum--I can't walk!"

"Shut up Georgia.It's your own fault. If you hadn't crouched on the floor the whole trip you wouldn't be stiff."

And this is the woman teaching parenting classes !!!!

**5:15pm**

Did some yoga with a bit of snog exercising --I'm having horrid snog withdrawal pains--.

Dad saw me and raised his eybrows. I stopped.

"Right, we only have a few minutes' drive left.So I'm going to say this now You better be on your best behavior Georgia. No fires, no rudeness. And if your cat even thinks about ttacking ANYONE it's the vet for him."

He clapped his hads tgether and looked round at us, grinning like a loon. Which he is.

"Wait untill you see the gates. You'll b amazed anyone like this could be related to me."

"Not really."

He stopped and though a moment."Yu know what I mean."

"Not really."

He shot me a Look.I jumped back in the car.

**5:25pm**

Ate a quick bit of lunch (herring and mayo sandwhiches -ergghhh) and backon our way.

Dad keeps saying "It's only a miunte further." but he's been saying that for 10 minutes now.

I hope we get there soon--those sandwhiches are gving me lurgy.

**5:35pm**

Dad stopped the car and I jumped out. I think I'm going to chunk.

**1/2 a minute later**

Why have e stopped? All I see is hedges and bloody great gate.

**5:40pm**

Dad's brainhas fallen out --he's talking to the gate.

**5:41pm**

Still talking to the gate.

**5:45pm**

Dad is finally back in the back, looking all important and naff.

Finally ...on our way.

**5:47pm**

Why are we just sitting here?

Asked Mum and she just said "Shhhhh"

**5:50pm**

After a hundred hours of pain and agony (Libby wanted to play barbie ,which consisted of whaking my upside the head with scuba-diving barbie) the gates opened.

The raod is really long, and eveything is closed of by big hedges towering over the garden.

It's like a courtyard in a castle. Or the grounds at an asylum.

**5:56pm**

We're finally there.

Jumped out of the car--and nearly fell over.

We ARE at a castle !!!!!


End file.
